What is resistance really? It is a message of internal conflict. One part of us wants to move ahead with some particular action. A second part is saying “Oh, no, we aren’t going there….” A conflict between 2 parts of yourself. and that is if you are lucky.
For most of us, there are often more than 2 parts weighing in on the resistance.
A third part may be saying “I’m not sure I know what I’m doing.” A fourth part may be saying “What will they say about me if I do that?”
Is it clear why you are making progress on this action?
What can you do when you reach an inner impasse?
Have a party!
“Have a party?” you say….”Are you kidding me?” No, I’m serious…have a party…a parts party.
A parts party is when all the conflicting parts of you sit down at an imaginary conference table, face to face, so to speak.
You sit at the head of the table, and invite all the conflicting parts to join you. Then one at a time, you invite each part to say what they want to say–to express their concerns, their fears, whatever is on their minds.
You moderate the discussion. You listen carefully. You listen respectfully. You honor each part for their contribution, no matter how challenging their perspective is.
Find out from each part what their goal is. Usually the parts are all trying to keep you safe in their own way.
Dive deep with a part if you need to. Bring your adult, resource-filled perspective to the discussion.
Find out what each part needs to feel safe.
As you take in all these perspectives you will find that you have a much clearer perspective on the situation.
Maybe you see some things more clearly, and you may find that you alter your course in response to the concerns of your parts.
Maybe you need more information. Maybe you need a little skill development. Maybe you need to ask a friend to let you practice on them and give you feedback. Your perspective is broadened. Your view of what is needed to be successful is expanded. Now you find yourself much better prepared.
Usually, when you consider their concerns and needs your parts will come into agreement about a course of action.
Suddenly you find yourself ready to take action with confidence and the task is accomplished with ease. The resistance has disappeared!
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