Today we are going to look at a second way Rita used conscious co-creation to make her life better and more enjoyable. Rita has 3 children, and they mean the world to her. Rita’s experience of mothering is a source of tremendous joy and satisfaction.
But because of her children Rita was tied to her ex-husband, and this was major cause of unhappiness. Rita’s ex-husband, Eric, had cheated on
her with his secretary. When Rita discovered the affair, Eric had asked Rita for a divorce and married his secretary.
Though she had been divorced 2 years ago, Rita had made no progress in resolving her feelings about Eric, his betrayal and their subsequent divorce. She told me, “I hate Eric, I hate his new wife, and I hate parenting my children as a single mother. This is all so wrong!”
“I can’t forgive his betrayal. He had promised to be my partner until death do us part, and I was counting on him, and trusting him. I gave him 3 children and then he treats me this way!” Rita wailed.
Of course it is extremely painful to have one’s trust violated, vows broken, and plans for a life together smashed into a million pieces. But Rita had a choice to make. What kind of future did she want to co-create? And how could she resolve feelings about what happened in the past?
Rita and I focused first on what she wanted to co-create in the future for herself and her children. My question to Rita was “What are your needs? What are your desires just for yourself? And for this moment, leave your children’s needs out of the picture.”
Rita’s homework from our time together was to open to her inner self each day and pose these questions, remaining open and receptive to the answers that might arise within. Allowing the question to be new each day, and not demanding any consistency from her inner self, but rather allowing new answers to emerge if they did.
At our next meeting Rita had a new lightness about her. Some of the heaviness she had been carrying was gone. I asked her what insights and discoveries she had made. “There is so much I want to do with my life,” Rita said. “I discovered I still have dreams and hopes inside me. I want to advance my career, and I want to learn how to water ski, and I even got very clear that I want to love again,” Rita told me.
“I see now I was really stuck in the past. I hate what happened, but it is done, and I want to focus on co-creating a new life for myself” Rita declared. So Rita and I began the work of examining her beliefs systems to see how her dreams might be born through her actions.
Rita told me, “I need a certification at work before I can receive my next promotion, and this week I asked my boss about getting some tuition reimbursement so that I can go after that certification. My boss said ‘yes’! I am so excited. Before I just felt stuck. I never looked into the certification requirements. I just figured it was out of my reach. I felt helpless, and I didn’t do anything about it.”
Rita continued, “I recognized that this feeling of helplessness was a major barrier for me. As soon as I start feeling frustrated I slip into this feeling of helplessness, and I give up.”
Rita and I discussed this identity of being a victim, and how she had been unconsciously co-creating it. After some work, Rita recognized that this feeling of victimization had been unconsciously taught to her by her mother.
This habitual way of responding to frustration by giving up and accepting a victim identity was serving as a glass ceiling in Rita’s life. She was not going to able to work toward her dreams with that pattern dominating her choices. And while it is a constant challenge for Rita to stay conscious of this pattern, she is building the skill to notice when she is feeling frustrated.
Once she identifies feelings of frustration Rita knows that the feeling of helplessness is likely to be right behind it. But now rather than give in to frustration or helplessness, Rita has a new choice in her toolbox. Rita can choose to be curious about the circumstances and look to see what options might be present that she hasn’t noticed yet.
This simple shift has made a huge difference in Rita’s life. This is what led to her asking her boss for tuition reimbursement to assist her to get the certification she needs to advance her career. This is radical shift from the Rita of the past who simply would have accepted the feelings of helplessness and frustration.
That is why I want to invite you to download my 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist. Learning to integrate the 5 keys to conscious co-creation enables you to become a master a co-creating the life of your dreams.
Key #1 is the ultimate stress reducer: eliminate exhaustion and overwhelm. Just ask Rita: life is much more enjoyable when you feel vital and productive.
Key #2 makes change smooth and effortless, which is what Rita needed in order to let go of the past.
Key #3 causes anxiety to dissolve in mere seconds, allowing you to rest in the peace that passes all understanding. Rita found that using this key made her feel much more grounded and calm.
Key #4 reconnects you to your passion for living. Rita was overjoyed to reconnect with her dreams and feel that now she had real reasons to expect that her dreams could be realized.
Key #5 opens the door to the experience of beauty, and why you are desperate for it. Rita found that connecting to the beauty surrounding her changed her perception of life considerably.
Download the checklist here:
We will continue to explore Rita’s transformation in future posts, so check back for the next installment about Rita.