Why Is Allowing So Difficult?

Learning some new tricks...
Learning some new tricks…

A client I’ll call Paula came to me because she said she had heard about “this allowing thing” but she didn’t have a clue how to do it. She told me “This ole’ dog wants to learn some new tricks!” She wanted to “learn the tricks” about allowing, because there were some things she wanted in her life that weren’t there now. She had heard that allowing was the way to get them.

Allowing is a very tricky business. It is amusing in a way, because allowing is actually a natural state of being. Infants are experts at allowing. They communicate their needs, and then they allow themselves to receive. Allowing requires no effort at all. But most of us have learned unnatural ways of being. Getting back into a state of allowing after we have spent all our time and energy “trying to make things happen” can be a real challenge.

Paula is in sales…a real “go-getter”. She is very sparkly, very extroverted, very bright. Paula is used to going after what she wants, and getting it. She is very successful, the number one sales person in her company. But there were some things that she hadn’t been able to “get.” She wanted a love relationship. While she dated often, that special someone had not come along. Somehow the men she wanted didn’t seem to want her and the men who wanted her did not interest Paula.

And there were certain prospects, big accounts, that she really wanted to land, but had not been able to. She had tried everything  in her bag of tricks. But in these two areas no amount of “doing” was getting the job done. “What else can I do?” Paula asked me.

We pretend that we can control everything...
We pretend that we can control everything…

We have become so focused on doing. What to do, how to do it…these are questions we have come to center our attention on because we can control this. If we don’t know how to do something we can learn. If that thing is a skill, we can practice. We can get a coach or a teacher or a mentor to help us.

We can set goals around it, strategize about it, think about it, talk about it…endless activity around it. We understand this. To some extent it is comfortable, or at least familiar, to do and do and do, to “make it happen.”

Our drive to control life is often unconscious. We don’t identify this endless activity as a control mechanism. It seems normal to us. We can fall into living a kind of robotic life where you are on an endless treadmill of doing more and more, which is very stressful. You feel like no matter how much you do it is never enough. Addictive patterns are likely to form in reaction to the frustration and stress of endless doing, as a way of losing control. You feel deeply dissatisfied and empty, always wanting more.

In terms of her lack of a lasting love relationship, Paula did feel empty. She came to me right after her fortieth birthday. She felt she had to make some big changes, but she just didn’t know what they were. She heard about this “allowing thing” and decided to give it a try. She thought is was just one more thing, one more trick, for her toolbox.

But allowing is something else altogether. We can’t control it. We can’t make it happen. Although it can be modeled for us, no one can really teach us to do it. It isn’t something “to do.” Allowing is a way to be.

Saying yes to life...
Saying yes to life…

Allowing is a saying “yes” to the unfolding of life with total trust, total openness, total acceptance. It is an experience in the present moment, each present moment. It is the equivalent of opening the door to your heart to whatever is going on. You open your heart with the inner knowing that this moment is leading you where you most desire to be. Obstacles and challenges and disappointments don’t necessarily look like beneficial occurrences. But they can be, when held in an attitude of trust and acceptance.

We have desires, and many of us shut them down immediately. For years Paula had focused on her career and put her personal life last. She dated, but the men in her life were always considered after her work was done. They were always in second place in her heart. Paula believed she couldn’t have both. She put her dreams of a love relationship out of her heart. So many of us do this. We already believe we can’t have our deep desires, so we don’t want to feel them.

As Paula’s fortieth birthday neared she realized that she had to make some changes. A friend referred her to me. As we worked together she let go of this false belief that “I can’t have what I want.” She asked herself “How can I allow my desire to manifest?” That is a very powerful question.

Again, it is a little tricky, because allowing is not something to do. It is a way to be. So use your imagination now and imagine your desire manifesting. What do you feel in your body? When I asked Paula this question she burst into tears. “I feel so sad,” she cried. “I feel so much regret for wasted time, even though I have enjoyed my work so much. It’s just that each night, when I go to bed alone, I feel so empty. My clients, my accomplishments at work, all the awards I have won, they don’t seem to mean that much to me anymore, even though it was enough for years and years.”

When you open to experience your deepest desires do you feel warm, and soft and open, eager even? Do you feel excited, enthusiastic, welcoming? If so, you are on the right track! These feelings are indicators that you are allowing these desires.

Do you feel robotic? Tense? Shut down?
Do you feel robotic? Tense? Shut down?

But maybe you feel tense, tight, sad or angry, shut down. Maybe your stomach churns, or your chest feels tight and it is hard to breathe. Maybe, like Paula, you feel grief or regret. These are signs you are not allowing.

When you feel something, no matter whether the feeling is pleasant or unpleasant, this is great feedback. It lets you know where you are. When you feel unpleasant emotions you are feeling resistance. Some part of you is definitely saying “NO.” Confusing, isn’t it?

One would think if you desire something, that all of you would desire it, and would welcome imagining having it. But in this situation imagining having your desire creates unpleasant feelings, the inner answer is “no,” or at least, “not yet.”

What to do?

The most empowered response to these kinds of shut-down body sensations is curiosity. “I wonder what’s going on with me?” And then a gentle, compassionate conversation between you and the sensations you are having physically.

If you have never done it, it might sound weird. Paula laughed when I made this suggestion to her. “No way!” she said. After discussing it a bit, Paula decided to give it a try. She asked her sadness “what are you trying to tell me?” Sadness replied “I feel so empty, so alone.” Regret replied “It is too late. There will never be a special someone for me.”

As the inner dialogue deepened false beliefs emerged. “I am not lovable. I am too old. Men only want younger women. I’m too loud. I’m too set in my ways.” And then the conversation moved deeper. “I’m afraid of being close. I’m afraid to share who I really am.”

Be curious about what your body reveals about your inner world.
Be curious about what your body reveals about your inner world.

Like Paula, if you find the courage to try it, you will find that your body has all sorts of communications and information for you. As you gain its trust, it will reveal the energies that have been hidden from your conscious awareness.

Now you are allowing the resistance. And that is a huge step forward. Most of us try to dominate or manipulate or force ourselves forward toward a desire.

This is the opposite of allowing. You may get your desire this way, but it is not likely. And if you do get it, you may be surprised to discover it wasn’t what you thought it would be at all. That ugly question arises “Is this all there is? I thought it would be more….”

As Paula and I explored these beliefs and fears we were able to reconcile the desire for intimacy and the desire to be free. Paula was able to let go of old habitual responses to her desire for intimacy and find the courage to be vulnerable. She became a softer, more inviting version of herself. Although it took practice, and working to see new options and possibilities, Paula evolved into a fuller expression of herself as a woman. And men definitely noticed.

About 7 months after Paula and I began to work together she met David at the opening of a friend’s photography exhibit. David, too, is in sales. And they both enjoy golf, and boating, and water skiing. They have been dating steadily for two months, and they seem to be growing together more each week.

So just for today, try to allow whatever is present in your present moment to be there. Be curious about what shows up. Get to know it. As you do, you will become more and more in touch with your authentic self, and saying “yes” to who you are will become easier.

The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

This is the way to flow through life. When you begin to say “yes” to life, to allow life to be exactly as it is, you open the door to  the ability to co-create your life. That is why I want to invite you to download my checklist “The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-creation.” This checklist enables you to assess your co-creation skills.

Key #1 is the ultimate stress reducer: eliminate exhaustion and overwhelm. Paula found that allowing life to unfold was a much more relaxing way to live.

Key #2 makes change smooth and effortless. As Paula allows her resistance to speak to her, areas where false beliefs stop her are easier to identify and transform.

Key #3 causes anxiety to dissolve in mere seconds, allowing you to rest in the peace that passes all understanding. Paula is learning to keep her focus on how her body feels, and this gives her the ability to assess what her emotions are and what she needs.

Key #4 reconnects you to your passion for living. Paula is opening up a softer and more receptive side of herself that is transforming the way she relates to both men and women. This has made her more approachable in both business and personal settings.

Key #5 opens the door to the experience of beauty, and why you are desperate for it. Paula feels much more in the flow of experience as opposed to trying to swim upstream. Within this flow she has much more awareness of her environment, and the beauty that is expressing through each moment.

The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

Click Here to Receive Your Free Checklist

Light Up Your Bottom Line by Awakening to Inner Joy

orienting your life to this mastery sets the conditions for living a fulfilling and joyful life
Orienting your life to co-creation mastery sets the conditions for living a fulfilling and joyful life

To live in a world where LOVE prevails requires that you shift your identity from unconscious co-creator to conscious co-creator. Fostering this identity shift is the work of mastery. And orienting your life to this mastery sets the conditions for living a fulfilling and joyful life.

My client, Anne, has embraced this exciting challenge. Anne is a successful entrepreneur. She created her own business offering leadership training in the corporate environment. Anne came to me to take her own sense of mastery to the next level, and awaken to her own inner joy.

She had all the trappings of success...
She had all the trappings of success…

Anne had worked hard to leave behind the sense of victimization, of feeling that life was doing something undesirable to her. Anne had not had an easy life. And let’s be clear: NO ONE has an easy life. As evolving souls, we are not here to have an easy life. We have come to this dimension of contrasts: dark and light, good and bad, high and low for one purpose only: to focus our intent on co-creating LOVE in the midst of contrast.

How can I embrace challenges to empower my life experience?
How can I embrace challenges to empower my life experience?

As Anne embraced this inner knowing, her sense of challenges and obstacles shifted. No longer struggling against her circumstances, she began to live into the question of how to lean into challenges, and how to maximize their evolutionary power to transform her life.

Anne says “I was fighting my challenges. I was using them as a reason to think there was something wrong with me. I kept trying to fix myself. This kept me focused on my weaknesses, and on outcomes I didn’t want. I saw, with Kristin’s help, that I was using the power of my conscious attention to manifest what I didn’t want! It was like a light bulb switched on when I finally got this.”

With this empowered viewpoint of seeing challenges as the gift to take her to the next level, Anne found herself living her life from a more buoyant and energetic presence. Without the resistance to challenges, with that “Bring it On!” mentality, Anne found the key to the next level, and simultaneously she awakened to a new level of joy! Anne told me “I started saying ‘YES’ to life just as it is appearing before me. I feel so light and free!”

The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

It is because of transformations like Anne’s that I want to invite you to download my free gift to you: The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-creation Checklist. Using this powerful and transformative checklist enables you to become a master at co-creating the life of your dreams just like Anne has.

Click here to download it.

Key #1 is the ultimate stress reducer: eliminate exhaustion and overwhelm. For Anne the struggle against challenges and obstacles was the source of her fatigue. As she learned to embrace the challenges on her path as the true guides to evolutionary growth they are meant to be, her resistance faded and her sense of vitality and the playful embrace of “Bring it On!” became her peaceful inner mantra.

Key #2 makes change smooth and effortless. Anne found the “magick” of surrendered seeing, the simple willingness to perceive her present moment from the highest perspective of self, to be the “abracadabra” she had been looking for.

Key #3 causes anxiety to dissolve in mere seconds, allowing you to rest in the peace that passes all understanding. Anne became vigilant about noticing when she had drifted back into the past, allowing false beliefs and habitual triggers into old neural pathways to begin to dominate her perception of the present moment. This was the key to shifting into vibrancy of the now.

Key #4 reconnects you to your passion for living. Anne was passionate about her mission to develop stronger and more powerful leaders who are grounded in LOVE’s presence. It is LOVE’s presence that inspires the kind of win/win solutions that move an organization into its deepest levels of contribution and service.

Key #5 opens the door to the experience of beauty, and why you are desperate for it. Anne discovered that her soul essence is beautiful, and that is necessary for her to surround herself with reflections of that essence in her environment. This has been a key to turning herself toward LOVE in each moment.

When you shift your perspective your dreams become doable....
The awakening process shifts your perspective so that your dreams become doable….

Anne has been a joy to work with. She has discovered, as will you, that opening and deepening into your own awakening process is the key to the life of your dreams. While it is normal to become discouraged and disheartened in the beginning of your journey, the Awakening Women’s Community is here to offer support and strength to you.

Anne is quick to point out that she still experiences lower frequency energies at times. She still feels frustration. She still feels anger. There are days when she is low energy and apathetic. But Anne has a different response to herself on these days than prior. She has become her own best friend. She is ready, willing and able to listen deeply. She uses her listening to pinpoint the false belief, or old habitual response pattern which has crept over her sense of self.

From this place of empowered seeing Anne is able to shift her perspective and open to new possibilities. When she needs to, Anne is able to ask for support from me, or other women in the community. We cannot become ourselves by ourselves! We must use the power of our sacred container to receive strength and resilience from each other on days when our sense of self has been triggered into lower energy responses.

Anne shared with me that her gross sales in her business is up 17% from the last quarter. Her inner joy has inspired her team, and the term “conscious co-creation” is now a part of their business strategy. Taking a stand that their work enhance LOVE’s presence in the world has lit Anne’s management team on FIRE, and the results demonstrate it.

Download 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation here.

The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
The 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

Do You Know Why Conscious Co-Creation Is A Crucial Life Skill? Part 4

Rita was finally ready to release her victim story and take back her power to co-create a compelling future.
Rita was finally ready to release her victim story and take back her power to co-create a compelling future.

We have been looking at the transformative effects that are possible for you as you begin to practice and master conscious co-creation. In recent posts we have looked at how Rita transformed her relationship with her own creative source, which has given her more energy and vitality, as well as a deeper connection with her own faith. In a second post we looked at how Rita has shifted her experience of being disconnected from her life to a more consciously co-creative role in intending a rewarding future for herself. In our most recent post we looked at how Rita was transforming her experience of the history she has with her ex-husband, Eric, and creating a space for a new love relationship to enter her life.

Rita's children were fighting all the time since the divorce....
Rita’s children were fighting all the time since the divorce….

In this fourth part of this series we are going to look at how conscious co-creation is transforming Rita’s relationships with her three children. When Rita first learned of Eric’s affair she was furious. The first weeks after this discovery, Rita was unable to control her bitterness and anger, and there was a negative impact on her children.

Rita’s fury caused Eric to leave his home with Rita and the children, and to move into Jennifer’s home. Rita’s anger effectively shutdown any possibility of a reconciliation, or even an amicable parting. Her absolute rejection of Eric’s choices pushed him into filing for a divorce much sooner than he might have done otherwise. Rita was so uncompromising that Eric had to get a court order to allow him to spend time with his children.

Meanwhile, Rita’s bitterness and unhappiness was a very disruptive influence in her household. The children were confused and upset, and their sense of security had been undermined by Rita’s behavior. Instead of finding comfort from their mother during this time of upheaval, the children became fearful of becoming a target for their mother’s rage.

Rita, sensing the fear in her children, blamed Eric for ruining their family life, and the destructive cycle continued to wreak havoc for all concerned for the better part of 2 years. This was when Rita finally reached out to me for assistance.

This is why I want to invite you to download my 5 Keys to Conscious Co-creation checklist. This power checklist enables you to become a master a co-creating the life of your dreams.

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

Key #1 is the ultimate stress reducer: eliminate exhaustion and overwhelm. The key was vital to Rita finding inner calm that was necessary for her to accurately access the situation and determine what she wanted to co-create for the future.

Key #2 makes change smooth and effortless. Once Rita felt herself firmly grounded in the sense of the future she was building for herself and her family she noticed that more empowered choices were showing up for her.

Key #3 causes anxiety to dissolve in mere seconds, allowing you to rest in the peace that passes all understanding. As Rita began to make changes there were many opportunities for her to fall back into old habits of seeing and reacting. From this peace within, Rita was able to continue to be a stand for the life she so desperately wanted for herself and her kids.

Key #4 reconnects you to your passion for living. When Rita would become discouraged it was her connection to the passion of her vision for a happier and more secure future for herself and her children that kept her going.

Key #5 opens the door to the experience of beauty, and why you are desperate for it. Once Rita had tuned into the beauty of the vision of her future, that beauty became a powerful ally for her in finding the strength and courage to make new choices.

Download the checklist here: http://bit.ly/1pmVWuC

Jack was a very angry boy...using every opportunity to start a fight....
Jack was a very angry boy…using every opportunity to start a fight….

Rita’s oldest son, Jack, was having behavior problems at school. He was angry, and took any opportunity to fight with other children, or disrupt the classroom at school. Rita’s daughter, Bethany, had become silent and withdrawn. Hunter, the youngest, was having nightmares, and had taken to sucking his thumb.

Rita realized that her relationships with her children were in serious need of repair. She and I spent time envisioning a brighter future for them all, both individually and as a family. Rita saw that it would be impossible for her children to have the stability and security they needed until Rita and Eric had made peace between themselves. Rita also knew that she would have to embrace Jennifer as a valid member of the family.

As Rita was able to own responsibility for her part in the dissolution of the marriage, she was able to forgive herself and Eric for the circumstances that had occurred. Rather than seeing the loss of the marriage as destructive, Rita opened to the possibility that the current situation could be an expression of growth and evolution for all parties. Regret was not a useful emotion to spend time with. What occurred in the past did not have to be the governing factor in her future.

Rita realized that she wanted happy and secure children. With that future in mind she asked for a meeting with Eric and Jennifer. Rita began the meeting with a sincere apology. She took responsibility for the anger and bitterness that had colored her actions in the past. She shared her desire to have an empowered relationship with Eric and Jennifer, and to work together with them to create a safe and secure environment for their children.

The kids are responding well to the united foundation that Rita and Eric are creating....
The kids are responding well to the united foundation that Rita and Eric are creating….

While it may take some time for all parties to leave the past in the past, a new foundation had been formed to co-create a future that would give the children the support they needed to flourish. At last, Rita and Eric are aligned in creating fun experiences with the children, and the children are responding well to this new development.

Jack is enrolled in a martial arts school, and is finding positive avenues for his aggressive feelings to be expressed. Bethany began piano lessons, and was finding that she had a real gift for playing music. Hunter has found a new sense of purpose and contribution in cooking with Rita. They have together time every evening as they prepare the evening meal.

Rita has been able to access a new vision for her life and her future. This vision has been the key to accessing new possibilities and giving Rita the strength she needs to make new choices. Change is challenging for human beings. As we shift our identities into the role of conscious co-creators each challenge can be seen as an opening for new possibilities to emerge. This is the true meaning of the word “empowerment.”

Do You Know Why Conscious Co-Creation is a Crucial Life Skill? Part 3

Today we will look again at Rita’s transformation. Yesterday we examined Rita’s shift into reconnecting with her dreams for the future. She disconnected from them over the years, especially when she discovered her husband’s infidelity, and the subsequently through the divorce process. Adjusting to being a single parent had consumed Rita’s available energy until just recently.

Rita was finally ready to release her victim story and take back her power to co-create a compelling future.
Rita was finally ready to release her victim story and take back her power to co-create a compelling future.

Rita had come to consult with me when she could see that her anger and resentment about her situation was negatively impacting her relationship with her children. Now that Rita had begun the hard work of reclaiming responsibility for her life, and letting go of the victim story she had been telling herself, it was time to re-examine the past.

Rita and I did this together. We began by setting aside the choices made by Eric, Rita’s former husband. There is no empowerment to be found by trying to change other people. The only source of power for anyone exists in the power to shift one’s perspective and make new choices in the present moment.

As Rita became interested in letting go of the victim story she had been telling herself about the circumstances surrounding his husband’s choice to begin an affair with his secretary, Rita decided she was willing to look at how her choices impacted those circumstances.

After trying for 2 year, Eric and Rita were both thrilled to be pregnant at last...
After trying for 2 year, Eric and Rita were both thrilled to be pregnant at last…

Eric and Rita had been married for 11 years. Their first child was born in their third year of marriage. It had taken quite a bit of time for Rita to become pregnant, and both Eric and Rita were thrilled when the pregnancy test was positive.

They shared the experience of the pregnancy day by day. They planned and created the nursery, with Eric doing a lot of the carpentry and construction, while Rita sewed curtains and knitted baby blankets. Eric attended all the doctor appointments, and they took a birthing class together, eagerly practicing for the big event.

Their partnership made them feel strong in their relationship. They had never been closer. The birth itself was difficult, and in the end, Rita was required to have a C-section due to fetal distress. Rita felt like a failure in her inability to deliver the child herself. But she pushed these feelings aside and did her best to celebrate Jack’s birth with her husband.

Rita and Eric loved Jack so much....
Rita and Eric loved Jack so much….

Having a baby changed Rita and Eric’s lifestyle tremendously. While both of them had wanted a baby, the loss of the free and relatively simple lifestyle they had previously enjoyed was more difficult than either had imagined. Both Rita and Eric had to sacrifice freedoms and pleasures to parent Jack.

They were still in this adjustment period when they received a big surprise. Not 4 months after Jack was born, Rita discovered she was again pregnant. After having waiting over 2 years to get pregnant the first time, neither Rita not Jack had anticipated that Rita could possibly become pregnant again so soon after Jack’s birth.

As Rita struggled with caring for an infant, going back to work, and now experiencing a second pregnancy, more household work fell to Eric. Rita was simply unable to do all the chores that she had previously been willing and able to do. This cut into Eric’s free time, and he resented it, even though he understood that Rita had to have his assistance.

Bethany was also delivered via C-Section, and Rita had some definite challenges during the recovery period. An infection formed in the incision and further surgery was required. It took a long time for Rita to regain her strength. And about this time a third pregnancy surprised the couple. Hunter was born eight months later.

Now Rita and Eric had three children all under 5 years old, and it was difficult. They both worked full time to make financial ends meet, and while they still loved each other, the endless grind of working all day and caring for their home and family at night and on weekends took its toll.

There were so many responsibilities and so few resources to meet all these needs....
There were so many responsibilities and so few resources to meet all these needs….

Slowly Rita and Eric fell into a rut. Gradually Eric worked longer hours trying to get ahead in his career. While he didn’t admit it to himself, Eric preferred his duties at work to doing chores at home. When Rita was unable to pick up the slack, their home became untidy, and the chores stacked up. Rita became overwhelmed and angry, and this caused Eric to work later in an attempt to avoid arguments with her.

During their 9th year of marriage, Jack’s secretary left unexpectedly, and Eric hired a new one. Rita was too busy to pay much attention. In fact, Rita was not paying much attention to Eric at all. Their sex life was at an all time low. Rita fell into bed exhausted at night, and Eric was not willing to try to wake her up to make love, and face what would often be rejection.

To compensate, Eric began to work out at a local gym to try to burn off some of his sexual energy, and began playing golf on the weekends. Gradually Rita and Eric began to live very separate lives. Their marriage was in jeopardy, but neither of them thought about it enough to recognize this, much less do anything about it.

Eric’s new secretary, Jennifer, worked hard to be useful to Eric, and over time Eric noticed her efforts. Gradually he gave her more responsibility and she proved herself both capable and responsible. Jennifer made Eric’s life easier and she never made any demands on him. She was always smiling and supportive, and she was interested in their work in a way that Rita never was anymore.

Before he realized what he was doing, Eric kissed Jennifer...
Before he realized what he was doing, Eric kissed Jennifer…

And while no one intended for it to happen, Jennifer and Eric began to have feelings for one another that went beyond their professional relationship. They began to go out for happy hour after work once in a while. Then, after a particularly successful day, when their hard work together had won them a lucrative new client, happy hour extended into a dinner celebration. And when Eric walked Jennifer to her car after dinner, they kissed.

Red-faced with shame, Eric pulled away from Jennifer and apologized profusely. He promised Jennifer that would never happen again, and went home to Rita. But as fate would have it, as much as the day had been wonderful for Eric, it had been horrible for Rita. When Eric got home Rita attacked him for getting home late, and they had a terrible argument. Eric slept on the couch that night.

The next morning Eric and Rita did not speak to each other, both going their separate ways to their jobs. Rita went back to her job to face the difficulties that she was so upset about the previous day. Eric went back to work and there was a smiling Jennifer.

Looking back, Rita could see very clearly that she and Eric had been headed for trouble long before Jennifer entered the situation. She and Eric had done their best to cope with the mounting pressures of parenting 3 small children and trying to maintain a 2-career family, but they had underestimated the impact all these competing demands would make on their limited resources.

While Rita was still bitterly disappointed that Eric had ultimately chosen Jennifer over his marriage, Rita had to admit that it wasn’t difficult to understand how it had happened. At all the decision points where choices were made Rita had consistently chosen the needs of the children over Eric’s needs. And while she had not intended for it to happen, often work demands took precedence over Eric’s needs too.

Helpless2In time Rita recognized that while Eric was far from blameless in what happened, Rita recognized that she unconsciously had given Eric clear messages that he was not important to her. Rita knew she had a bad temper, and that it took her a long time to get over being angry. So conflicts with Eric festered longer than they might have had Rita been more willing to let go of being upset.

As we discussed the 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Rita could see that unconsciously she had created a situation where her husband felt unloved and unappreciated. She saw that she had inadvertently pushed him into another woman’s arms. Without absolving Eric of the responsibility for his choices Rita was able to see that she had contributed to the destruction of the marriage as well.

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

That is why I want to invite you to download my 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist. Learning to integrate the 5 keys to conscious co-creation enables you to become a master a co-creating the life of your dreams. The check list gives you a way to stay on top of what you are co-creating with your choices so that you can choose to create the life you want to life.

Key #1 is the ultimate stress reducer: eliminate exhaustion and overwhelm. Just ask Rita: it is impossible to have the life of your dreams when you live in a state of fatigue and hopeless confusion.

Key #2 makes change smooth and effortless. Rita and Eric both fell prey to choices that undermined their marriage, and neither of them had any sort of warning system to let them know when they began to move apart.

Key #3 causes anxiety to dissolve in mere seconds, allowing you to rest in the peace that passes all understanding. Rita discovered that she could finally come to terms with her status as a single parent, and focus on how to enjoy each day with her children to the fullest extent possible.

Key #4 reconnects you to your passion for living. Rita was overjoyed to reconnect with her dreams and feel that now she had real reasons to expect that her dreams could be realized.

Key #5 opens the door to the experience of beauty, and why you are desperate for it. Rita found that the bitterness and heartache she kept as her constant companions destroyed her ability to enjoy her life. When she began to consciously shift her perspective and see a bigger picture new options emerged which made the beauty surrounding her more clear and apparent.

Don’t let what happened to Rita happen to you. Begin to focus on developing the skills to live a consciously co-creative life. Be conscious of the choices that support the life you want to live, and which choices are undermining that life.

Download the checklist here:

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

What is Conscious Co-Creation, Part 2

Of course the experience of heaven on earth would be unique to each of us....
Of course the experience of heaven on earth would be unique to each of us….

Today we are going to look at a second way Rita used conscious co-creation to make her life better and more enjoyable. Rita has 3 children, and they mean the world to her. Rita’s experience of mothering is a source of tremendous joy and satisfaction.

 

But because of her children Rita was tied to her ex-husband, and this was major cause of unhappiness. Rita’s ex-husband, Eric, had cheated on

Rita's husband betrayed her with his secretary...
Rita’s husband betrayed her with his secretary…

her with his secretary. When Rita discovered the affair, Eric had asked Rita for a divorce and married his secretary.

Though she had been divorced 2 years ago, Rita had made no progress in resolving her feelings about Eric, his betrayal and their subsequent divorce. She told me, “I hate Eric, I hate his new wife, and I hate parenting my children as a single mother. This is all so wrong!”

“I can’t forgive his betrayal. He had promised to be my partner until death do us part, and I was counting on him, and trusting him. I gave him 3 children and then he treats me this way!” Rita wailed.

Endless possibilities exist, so make a new choice....
Endless possibilities exist, so make a new choice….

Of course it is extremely painful to have one’s trust violated, vows broken, and plans for a life together smashed into a million pieces. But Rita had a choice to make. What kind of future did she want to co-create? And how could she resolve feelings about what happened in the past?

Rita and I focused first on what she wanted to co-create in the future for herself and her children. My question to Rita was “What are your needs? What are your desires just for yourself? And for this moment, leave your children’s needs out of the picture.”

Rita’s homework from our time together was to open to her inner self each day and pose these questions, remaining open and receptive to the answers that might arise within. Allowing the question to be new each day, and not demanding any consistency from her inner self, but rather allowing new answers to emerge if they did.

I discovered I still have dreams for a happy life....
I discovered I still have dreams for a happy life….

At our next meeting Rita had a new lightness about her. Some of the heaviness she had been carrying was gone. I asked her what insights and discoveries she had made. “There is so much I want to do with my life,” Rita said. “I discovered I still have dreams and hopes inside me. I want to advance my career, and I want to learn how to water ski, and I even got very clear that I want to love again,” Rita told me.

“I see now I was really stuck in the past. I hate what happened, but it is done, and I want to focus on co-creating a new life for myself” Rita declared. So Rita and I began the work of examining her beliefs systems to see how her dreams might be born through her actions.

Rita told me, “I need a certification at work before I can receive my next promotion, and this week I asked my boss about getting some tuition reimbursement so that I can go after that certification. My boss said ‘yes’! I am so excited. Before I just felt stuck. I never looked into the certification requirements. I just figured it was out of my reach.  I felt helpless, and I didn’t do anything about it.”

I saw that the feeling of helplessness was really holding me back...
I saw that the feeling of helplessness was really holding me back…

Rita continued, “I recognized that this feeling of helplessness was a major barrier for me. As soon as I start feeling frustrated I slip into this feeling of helplessness, and I give up.”

Rita and I discussed this identity of being a victim, and how she had been unconsciously co-creating it. After some work, Rita recognized that this feeling of victimization had been unconsciously taught to her by her mother.

This habitual way of responding to frustration by giving up and accepting a victim identity was serving as a glass ceiling in Rita’s life. She was not going to able to work toward her dreams with that pattern dominating her choices. And while it is a constant challenge for Rita to stay conscious of this pattern, she is building the skill to notice when she is feeling frustrated.

I know I have to make new choices if I want new outcomes....
I know I have to make new choices if I want new outcomes….

Once she identifies feelings of frustration Rita knows that the feeling of helplessness is likely to be right behind it. But now rather than give in to frustration or helplessness, Rita has a new choice in her toolbox. Rita can choose to be curious about the circumstances and look to see what options might be present that she hasn’t noticed yet.

This simple shift has made a huge difference in Rita’s life. This is what led to her asking her boss for tuition reimbursement to assist her to get the certification she needs to advance her career. This is radical shift from the Rita of the past who simply would have accepted the feelings of helplessness and frustration.

That is why I want to invite you to download my 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist. Learning to integrate the 5 keys to conscious co-creation enables you to become a master a co-creating the life of your dreams.

Key #1 is the ultimate stress reducer: eliminate exhaustion and overwhelm. Just ask Rita: life is much more enjoyable when you feel vital and productive.

Key #2 makes change smooth and effortless, which is what Rita needed in order to let go of the past.

Key #3 causes anxiety to dissolve in mere seconds, allowing you to rest in the peace that passes all understanding. Rita found that using this key made her feel much more grounded and calm.

Key #4 reconnects you to your passion for living. Rita was overjoyed to reconnect with her dreams and feel that now she had real reasons to expect that her dreams could be realized.

Key #5 opens the door to the experience of beauty, and why you are desperate for it. Rita found that connecting to the beauty surrounding her changed her perception of life considerably.

Download the checklist here:

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

We will continue to explore Rita’s transformation in future posts, so check back for the next installment about Rita.

 

What Is Conscious Co-Creation?

What is conscious co-creation?
What is conscious co-creation?

I recently worked with a client I’ll call Rita. The work we did together helps to answer this question and explain why this conscious co-creation is a critical skill for Awakening Women to develop.

 

Rita had 3 kids...
Rita had 3 kids…

Rita considered herself to be a normal person. She was divorced, and a single mother to 3 children: Jack, Bethany and Hunter. She worked hard as a middle-manager for a local company. She came to me complaining of exhaustion and burn-out. But simultaneously, Rita was hearing this call to “something more.”

“I just know there is something ‘more’ out there for me. I just don’t know what it is, or how to find it,” she told me during our first consultation.

I asked her to tell more about her life.

“I am exhausted all the time. I drag myself around from home to work to the grocery or after-school events for the kids, make dinner, help with homework and fall into bed. That is my life. I love my kids, but something has to give. I’m irritable. I snap at the kids unfairly. I’ve missed a few deadlines at work and my boss is upset with me. I’ve taken to hiding from her whenever I can. I have no time to myself.  My stomach is in knots. I’m gaining weight. I feel like screaming, but I’m afraid if I start I’ll never stop. I can’t take this much longer,” Rita told me.

“My youngest, Hunter, came to me with a deck of cards and asked me to play ‘Go Fish’ with him and I about took his head off,” Rita said as the tears started to flow. “I knew I had to do something, and fast, before I did lasting damage to my relationship with my kids.”

Rita was stuck in a never-ending cycle of over-giving...
Rita was stuck in a never-ending cycle of over-giving…

Rita was co-creating her life, but she was doing it unconsciously. Old belief patterns instilled in her primarily in early childhood were dominating her visual field. She was seeing only a narrow range of options which kept her making the same choices over and over again. This is why her life seemed to be stuck in this unfulfilling cycle of over-giving.

Our first order of business was to establish a conscious connection to LOVE, the ultimate energy source for all of us here on Planet Earth. We did this by working within Rita’s own belief structure so that she could connect in ways that felt comfortable and familiar for her. For Rita this came about through her church.

Rita faithfully took her family to church every Sunday, but when she was honest about it, Rita was just going through the motions. She was not connecting to God during the worship service. Unconsciously Rita was relating to God as a white-haired man on a throne in the sky who was constantly passing judgment on her, seeing all her weaknesses and faults, and condemning her.

Rita could separate her old perceptions of God from her adult faith...
Rita could separate her old perceptions of God from her adult faith…

Through our work together we untangled Rita’s ability to connect to God as unconditional LOVE from this old belief system with the image of God as a punishing and critical father. Rita’s human father HAD been punishing and critical. And as a child it was natural for Rita to confuse the behavior of her father with her experience of God.

Now, as an adult, Rita worked with me to be able to bring a conscious awareness into her faith and let go of the false beliefs about God. This first step dramatically changed Rita’s experience of Sunday morning worship. Now Sunday mornings are a time of refreshment and renewal for Rita. Instead of church being one more obligation on her “to-do” list, it is now a time she can count on during her week to provide her with spiritual sustenance.

Rita shifted her unconscious co-creation of her connection to a punishing God that reflected her experience of her human father to a conscious co-creation where Rita’s spiritual beliefs were allowed to provide her with a sense of forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love.

This first step into conscious co-creation shifted one vital aspect of Rita’s life from an experience that was another obligation on her “to-do” list, to an experience of joy by transforming her relationship with LOVE’s presence. This is the power of conscious co-creation. There is no aspect of life where conscious co-creation cannot shift your experience.

This vital skill is the basis for the transformation of our world from a world of conflict and misery to a world where LOVE prevails. If you feel called to awaken begin by downloading our free checklist 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation.

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

 

Are You Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places?

Jean is a highly paid executive at a fast-paced advertising agency. She has been in advertising since she got her Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing in 1985. She is a genius at creating advertising campaigns that produce powerful results for her clients.

Jean had all the trappings of success...
Jean had all the trappings of success…

Jean is successful by anyone’s definition. She has the house, the car, the luxury vacations, and she enjoys it all tremendously. But in her heart of hearts, Jean is lonely. She has no one special to share all this with. She travels alone, arrives at her luxury resort alone, and eats her meals alone.

While Jean is courageous and confident enough to visit the bar in the evening and allow herself to be approached by men, seldom does she meet anyone she wishes to know more deeply. All too often the single men in bars are not interested in long term relationships. They are there looking for someone to spend the night with–not the rest of the lives.

Sometimes Jean says “yes” to these invitations, but the next day her despair only deepens. The emptiness she feels at these one night stands is deeply discouraging. After engaging in a deeply intimate act no intimacy remains. Only a sense of alienation and disengagement is present.

Jean knew she had to make new choices...life was unbearable now...
Jean knew she had to make new choices…life was unbearable now…

Jean came to me knowing she had to make a change–but what to do differently? Jean didn’t know, she only knew that she could not carry on as she had been co-creating a life of emptiness, despite the trappings of success all around her.

Together we explored Jean’s deepest desires for intimacy and connection. What we found shocked and disturbed Jean. Although she knew she longed for an intimate connection with a man she had no idea what kind of man she was looking for…no idea what kind of man could satisfy her.

Through deeper exploration Jean discovered that she didn’t know herself intimately. She actually knew some of her clients more intimately than she knew herself. So rather than focusing on her lack of companionship Jean began to use her free time to get to know herself.

As she moved through the world Jean began to notice what experiences in the material world offered her pleasure, and with her conscious focus, these experiences grew and became more plentiful.

Jean loved cooking after taking some classes with a friend...
Jean loved cooking after taking some classes with a friend…

Jean loved food, but she had never cooked for herself. Together with a girlfriend, Jean enrolled in a gourmet cooking school and began to take classes. She realized that she loved pairing fine wines with her gourmet meals and took a river cruise down the Rhein River in Germany, visiting many vineyards along the way.

It was on this trip that Jean met Garrett. Garrett was a widower and a successful businessman who had decided to take the river cruise to expand his knowledge of German wine. He told Jean right away that he was still grieving for his lost wife and Jean understood.

They became friends....
They became friends….

But as the cruise progressed it seemed their paths continued to cross and they began to share meal times together, comparing notes about the days event, and the wine tasting they were doing. When the cruise ended Garrett and Jean both wanted to keep in touch, and as of this writing they are getting to know each other via phone calls and emails, and thinking they might like to vacation together in the summer.

Like Jean, many awakening women have devoted a lifetime to serving others whether that be in a professional capacity, or as a wife and mother. The needs of others have always come first. But with the call to awaken comes the deep desire for intimate connection, and it always turns out the that first person these women need to become intimate with is themselves.

Awakening Women are called to experience the essential self, the authentic self, and to know and treasure that self. Very often they are faced with feelings of guilt and shame as they begin to turn away from the definitions of self imposed on them by society, culture, and the external world in general. As they free themselves from this false identities the deeper desires of their hearts become accessible.

Deep fulfillment arises from the shift to an internal focus and intimate alignment with their true selves.

If you recognize your journey in these words consider joining our free Awakening Women’s Community. When you join our free community you will receive a free checklist called 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation so that you can begin assess your co-creative abilities.

Click Here to Join Our Free Community and Receive Your Checklist

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

Do You Know Why Your Heart’s Desires Are So Vitally Important?

Maybe you have something in common with my client, Lisa.

Most Awakening Women were raised to serve others and deny themselves, hoping maybe for a crumb of acknowledgement, appreciation, or love once in a while. This is a heartbreaking truth.

Are You Heart-Broken?
Are You Heart-Broken?

Why heartbreaking?

Because it is the exact opposite strategy for what it takes to be a conscious co-creator with life, and this world needs each of us who has heard the call to develop our conscious co-creation skills.

Your heart’s desires are expressions of your essence, that individuated spark of the Creator which resides in you.

Often these desires seem impossible, and we don’t even try to actualize them because they seem so far off, unreachable, unattainable.

And besides, we have tried to manifest a desire before and had our hearts broken. We all have.

But that is the past. Today is a new day, and you are whether consciously or not consciously, you are reinventing yourself in each moment.

A Vital Loving Heart Experiences the Fires of Passion!
A Vital Loving Heart Experiences the Fires of Passion!

The path to conscious co-creation is paved with LOVE. Again, not hallmark sentimentality or co-dependent attachment, but LOVE, the expression of desire from our Creator to experience its creations.

Do you see? Your individual desires come from LOVE!

So when you turn away from your desires, and repeat old beliefs, and live in the ruts of old habits you are effectively turning away from LOVE’S presence in your life.

The LOVE is always there, calling to you. But are you willing to listen? Are you willing to trust? Are you willing to believe in LOVE?

Or are you going to let the world tell you that you are nothing, that you are a nobody, that you can’t do it, so why bother trying?

If so, don’t be surprised if sooner or later health problems catch up with you.

Why?

When you turn away from LOVE's presence you start living in your head....which is dangerous to your health and well-being!
When you turn away from LOVE’s presence you start living in your head….which is dangerous to your health and well-being!

Because when you turn away from LOVE’S presence you greatly decrease the experience of the flow of light and vitality into your body.

You effectively separate yourself from the experience of LOVE.

Don’t misunderstand, LOVE is always present, always offering itself to you. You can’t actually be separate. But you have free will and you can say “no” to the experience of LOVE’S presence.

And this “no” advances the cause of aging in your physical cells, and leaves you very susceptible to the messages of mass consciousness. That you are alone. That you are unloved. That you are disconnected.

Then negative emotions manifest, and your physical body loses more vitality as you begin to manifest anger or frustration or depression. The chemical messengers of these emotions weaken the immune system. Cell mutations gain a stronghold within you. A downward spiral ensues.

LOVE leads you forward on an upward spiral...
LOVE leads you forward on an upward spiral…

But at ANY moment you can choose again. You can open to receive LOVE’S presence. You can allow your desires to rekindle. You can say “yes” to them, and allow them to guide you intuitively forward.

This is true transformation. The power of LOVE’S presence restores, revitalizes, nurtures, and you position yourself on an upward spiral.

This is your birthright. You are called to awaken to this upward spiral of life.

Say “yes”.

My client that I will call Lisa changed her mind in just this way.

Lisa’s passion was music. She did some singing when she was in high school and college, but she gave it up when she got her teaching degree and began teaching 3rd grade.

She met and married a fine man, and together they brought 2 children into the world. Their days were filled with nurturing their family, but 10 years later Lisa was exhausted, burned out, frustrated and angry.

She came to me broken and battered and bruised. Her life had become sheer drudgery. She didn’t know how much longer she could carry on.

Lisa wanted to feel alive again....
Lisa wanted to feel alive again….

Lisa wanted to feel alive again. She wanted to feel passion and purpose and meaning in her life. Her endless “to-do” list made life unbearable.

Then, Lisa was in a car accident. It was pretty serious. She was hospitalized with serious injuries. For a while she had no choice but to rest in bed while her injuries healed and she had a lot of time to think, and to work with me.

She examined her beliefs: especially this belief “my needs don’t matter.”

And she had a realization: Lisa had been making choices and decisions as though her needs didn’t matter. She never even put her needs and desires into the decision-making process! She had been acting as if her needs didn’t matter to her!

What a profound realization!

How could her needs and desires possibly matter to anyone else when they didn’t matter to her? How could Lisa expect others to know what she needed and desired when she herself didn’t know?

So Lisa entered a time of deep listening within herself. What did she need and desire?

Among other things, Lisa wanted to sing!
Among other things, Lisa wanted to sing!

Lisa wanted to sing! Among other things, Lisa wanted to sing!

She happened to mention this to a nurse in the hospital, and the nurse told her that they desperately needed people to perform on the children’s ward.

That was all Lisa needed. The very next day Lisa performed in the children’s ward and the response was overwhelming. They LOVED her performance.

Lisa’s heart broke open and suddenly the whole world looked changed to her. Lisa’s world became a different place…a place that was welcoming and appreciative and grateful for her gifts.

And this was just the beginning. By living with an open-hearted connection to her desires Lisa began to perceive new opportunities and possibilities that had always existed, but she never saw before.

A year later Lisa’s life was very different. Lisa was now teaching music, and singing regularly in her community. No she didn’t become an international superstar, but that was never her desire. She was making a difference in people’s lives with her music and she was fulfilled on a level she never dreamed of.

If you recognize your journey in these words consider joining our free Awakening Women’s Community. When you join our free community you will receive a free checklist called 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation so that you can begin assess your co-creative abilities.

Click Here to Join Our Free Community and Receive Your Checklist

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist

 

 

You Are A Beacon of Light

You are a beacon of light, beloved one.

Relinquish fear and shine as a beacon of light and shine into a dark and chaotic world
Relinquish fear and shine as a beacon of light and shine into a dark and chaotic world

Your radiance will shine ever more brightly and the joy of this shining will beckon to many who long for the embrace of your light.

Relinquish fear for it has no value for you in this new environment.

Walk confidently in the light of your true knowing: trust in your eternal consciousness and allow wisdom to mark each step.

This is your infinite safety. This is your infinite security.

The pulsing beams of light that are your eternal reality can be embraced more consciously by allowing a rhythmic life experience that is indeed rather like a song.

In this way life becomes a dance, an ebb and flow of such vibrant harmony and ecstatic expression. You who have longed to soar, to fly, to experience the weight-less experience of true being are now being freed from the gravity of form.

While your physical body will remained grounded in this reality, you, beautiful friend, are free to experience dimensions of being beyond.

Using this experience of your multi-dimensionality will allow you to bring these dimensions in through the physical body and anchor them here.

You have come to assist Gaia in her ascent
You have come to assist Gaia in her ascent

You have come to assist Gaia your beloved sister in light with her grand and glorious ascent and this sisterhood may be embraced by you as all her majesty is available to you in loving appreciation of your faithful and devoted service. The partnership between you and Gaia is a sacred bond, and so much more can be offered as you open to embrace this relationship. The material world has much to offer which is not apparent to the fives senses, but requires an awakening to the layers of subtle energy which surround all life.

All is One and in this truth all is given to all.

There is abundant self-expression available and accessible to all. The lack and scarcity is nothing but an illusion and as each is re-connected in conscious knowing to the eternal truth more can be given.

Open your heart to the light and it will be filled to overflowing....
Open your heart to the light and it will be filled to overflowing….

Receive the light in each and every moment. Allow its loving presence to nurture you and sustain you and fill you with abundant well-being.

Open your heart to the light and it will be filled to overflowing.

It is love’s aim to overflow its banks and spread for the fulfillment of all. This is love’s gift to all who will open to receive it.

The Aroma of Spring

I have been a bluebonnet fan for forever…the state of Texas calls bluebonnets our State flower, and Lady Bird Johnson was instrumental in having the highways of Texas seeded with them years ago. That gift of her vision continues to bear fruit every Spring.

Krystopher in April of 2011, an expression of new life....
Krystopher in April of 2011, an expression of new life….

All the photos here on this post were taken in my yard. I live in such a garden of delight. My grandson, Krystopher, is also a representation of Spring for me. My DNA lives in his cells. When my body passes away, my life will continue to express through his cells. And yet he is his own unique expression. The genetic essence of me combined with his grandfather to create his mother. Her DNA combined with the DNA of Krystopher’s father, and now there is Krystopher, a unique expression of his ancestors. Looking at him and knowing he is an expression of all who came before is at once humbling, and awe-inspiring.

So Spring is a time of new beginnings. I am so fortunate to live in an area that is naturally bluebonnet-rich, and this year, as every year, I am living in a sea of bluebonnets. I am blessed by their abundant blooming. I am enriched by the glorious shades of blue and purple that they display. But this year, they gave me a new gift. Their fragrance. I had never noticed their wild exotic fragrance in past years.

What a delight. I wish I had the words to express this fragrance so that I could share it with you. But they don’t smell like anything else. Maybe someone who was expert at fragrance could describe it, but for me, it is indescribable. bluebonnets just don’t smell like anything else.

Irises have their own unique intoxicating fragrance....
Irises have their own unique intoxicating fragrance….

And this morning I picked an iris and brought it in the house. Irises, too, have a very strong and unique fragrance. Smelling these aromas of Spring are so delightful. They have a profound effect on me and my body. These aromas speak of new beginnings. They speak of joy.  They speak of new life, and a hardy vitality, an exuberance!

Most of us live in climates with seasons and they each have their beauty and contribution to make to our life experience.  I invite you to allow nature’s messages in. Really see the amazing array of colors and smells as nature renews herself. Let the power and vitality of Earth’s expression touch you all the way down deep into your cells. This abundant vitalizing energy is available to you if only you have the consciousness to receive it.

You can never be cut off from this wealth of life energy expressing itself on this planet. It is part of your very nature. Come into the present moment and receive it fully. Open your heart and receive!

If you recognize your journey in these words consider joining our free Awakening Women’s Community. When you join our free community you will receive a free checklist called 5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation so that you can begin assess your co-creative abilities.

Click Here to Join Our Free Community and Receive Your Checklist

5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist
5 Keys to Conscious Co-Creation Checklist